Canvas
by Tenka-chan
Summary: After finding an emotional outlet in art, Tatsuha has drifted away from his previous obsession of Sakuma Ryuichi. But what happens when the tables are turned and all that Tatsuha once wanted is offered to him? Was it really just a childhood fantasy?RT
1. Paint

Ack, sorry this took so long to get out! Don't worry, though. I'll make up for it by bringing in Ryuichi! And..everyone else who isn't near as important but wasn't in the first story.

Warning: As I said in the summary, this will have yaoi, but nothing too hardcore. Also, Ryuichi will be the seme, and Tatsuha the uke. I'm sorry, but I can't see the pairing any other way.

Also, if you have not read Consent, read it. You will be completely lost if you have not done so. And yes, I realize I have a thing for one word titles, big whoop.

* * *

**Canvas**

**Prologue - Paint**

* * *

Tatsuha squinted in concentration as he examined his drying canvas thoughtfully. Leaning back, he yawned and rubbed a hand over his sweaty brow, oblivious to the bright blue streak of paint his hand left smeared across his face. He slid off his stool and stepped back from his nearly completed project to give it an appraising look. _Almost finished. Just one more coat should do it_, Tatsuha thought, throwing off his smock, which had once been one of his older brother's favorite dress shirts, and stretching out his arms.

At seventeen, Tatsuha Uesugi had changed and matured in ways most who knew him hadn't thought possible. Everyone else in the family attributed his transformation to the rape, but while Tatsuha accredited some changes to that little _experience_, he didn't feel that it was wholly responsible for his transformation. He believed it was the events that took place afterwards that truly changed him. Events like having an illegitimate HIV scare, nearly getting killed in a car wreck after having said HIV scare, having an actual conversation with his father for once, telling the police about the rape, identifying his rapists, but never seeing them brought to justice due to lack of physical evidence, and discussing it all with a psychiatrist. Honestly, who wouldn't change after all that?

Tatsuha had lost all interest in Ryuichi Sakuma and Nittle Grasper and filled the void left behind with paintbrushes and sketchbooks. A fanboy had burned away, and an artist had emerged from the ashes. Art had replaced his obsession. _An emotional outlet_, Fukai-sensei, his psychiatrist, had called it. A healthy and productive way for him to express his feelings and work out his frustrations. Although Tatsuha wouldn't have worded it that way exactly, that was basically what art was for him.

Turning away from the result of his 'emotional outlet', Tatsuha folded his hands behind his head and examined the rest of his room-turned-studio. His Ryuichi posters were all gone, replaced with paintings and drawings. His desk was riddled with paint brushes and pencils instead of CD's and magazines.

Sometimes it felt like a stranger's room.

Yawning again, Tatsuha checked the clock on the wall. 12:34 a.m.. Time to shower and call it a night.

* * *

Ryuichi Sakuma squinted in concentration as he examined the image on the screen thoughtfully. He fiddled with Kumagoro's ears while he watched the tape of Nittle Grasper's latest performance. It was the fourth time he'd watched the tape that night, but he just had to keep watching it for some reason. Something just wasn't right.

In all his years of show business, Ryuichi Sakuma had never once put on a bad show. He was a born performer. People were always throwing themselves at his feet, chanting his name, begging him to entertain them, and he always delivered. He gave them everything they wanted and more. And they all loved him for it.

So why couldn't he stop watching the tape?

The footage on the tape was no different than that of any other performance Nittle Grasper had made, but something was still wrong. Ryuichi could remember feeling strange before the concert. Not bad, necessarily, just...dull. He remembered feeling bored, tired, listless. Of course, none of these feelings had manifested physically, according to the tape, but the music icon was still baffled. He loved to sing, and he loved singing for thousands of people. It was his job, his passion, his _life_. He would never tire of it. He'd just been having an off night was all.

Ryuichi clicked off his television and stood up. He looked around his penthouse apartment. There were toys everywhere, along with bright paintings, and pretty sculptures. The place was every child's dream. But still, sometimes it felt strange, like a stranger's home. After all, what kind of thirty-three year old man would live in such a place? Ryuichi quickly shook his head. What was wrong with him? He must have been having a self-doubt day...days. That was all. He was fine. He was Ryuichi Sakuma, the Golden God. And he loved his life.

Yawning widely, Ryuichi checked his Seiko wristwatch. 12:34 a.m.. Time to call it a night. He decided to see Tohma the following morning. He was sure his bandmate would know how to cheer him up.

* * *

Yes, that's it for the prologue. I'm sorry it's unbelievably short, but I couldn't put in anymore, or it wouldn't have been a prologue. Poor Ryu has the blues. And yes, I wasted no time in bringing Tohma in. You think he's learned his lesson about interfering in other people's emotional lives? Of course not! As for Tatsuha's 180: no, he's not completely done with Ryuichi. He just thinks he is. And I wanted to make a story where the tables were turned between them, anyways. So, anyhoo, read and review. First chapter should be up by tomorrow if all goes as planned. And it won't be a pathetic, short chapter like this one, either! Promise!

Much Love,

Tenka-chan


	2. Sketch

Okay, here's the first chapter! Woo! Oh, and I hope I didn't make Ryu too much of a raving ego-maniac in the prologue. Oh well, he'll be a little different here!

Once again, this is the sequel to Consent. I'm sorry I didn't include that in the summary, but they give you so little space!!!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation.**

* * *

**Canvas**

**Chapter 1 - Sketch**

* * *

Tatsuha shivered and pulled his jacket tighter to him. It was harsh December days like this one that made him dearly miss his old bike. Even though riding a motorcycle in the middle of winter would chill a person to the bone, it was much more exhilirating than walking everywhere. Sadly, after the wreck, Tatsuha's bike was declared unsalvagable, and Mika had plainly told him that if he even so much as asked to have another one, she'd break his other arm to remind him of the dangers of two-wheeled motorized vehicles. Oh, well. Maybe he could save enough money to by himself a new one someday.

Finally spotting his destination through the busy, pre-New Year's crowd, Tatsuha hurried inside to escape the cold. After pausing for a moment to to bask in the warmth of the room, Tatsuha sauntered on over to the secretary's desk. After typing in a few things on her computer, the young lady looked up at Tatsuha with a familiar smile.

"Hello, Tatsuha," she greeted warmly. "Fukai-sensei will be ready for you in a moment. He's still with another client." She pushed her thin, wire-frammed glasses up the bridge of her nose as she observed Tatsuha's red nose and chapped lips. "Would you like some coffee while you wait?" she offered. "It must be freezing out there." Tatsuha grinned and shook his head.

"No thanks, Kasumi," he declined. He knew from experience not to drink anything Fukai-sensei's secretary made. Kasumi was a sweet woman, but her coffee-making skills were nowhere near as good as her secretarial skills. "It isn't that cold outside," he teased, flashing her one of his dazzling Uesugi smirks. Kasumi blushed and pretended to look offended. Although Tatsuha was a good seven years her junior, not to mention a client of her boss, she found it very difficult to not be attracted to the suave, young man. And Tatsuha was all too aware of it, too. He supposed he could have asked her out, had a few drinks, and possibly more, but he just didn't have the urge. His sex drive had come to a screeching halt after a certain incident about eight months back.

The two lingered in the slightly awkward silence for awhile, until the door next to Kasumi's desk opened and two people emerged from the room within. One was a tall man in his early forties with dark hair and eyes who would have looked just like any other typical Japanese male if not for his slightly intimidating height of 190 centimeters. His name was Ishido Fukai, and he'd been Tatsuha's therapist for the past few months. Fukai-sensei shook hands and exchanged farewells with the other man, who looked to Tatsuha like he'd spent the entire previous hour bawling his eyes out. After the weepy man left, Tatsuha strolled into the office and plopped down on one of the large, comfortable chairs. Fukai-sensei followed Tatsuha and sat, a little more gracefully, in the chair across from him.

"So," Fukai-sensei began, folding his hands in his lap. "How are things?" Tatsuha shrugged apathetically.

"Good," he replied. "Shu threw me a party for my seventeenth birthday. I think it was supposed to be a surprise, but the phone call from Aniki I got saying, '_Run_', kinda ruined it. Oh, and I'm almost finished with Aniki and Shuichi's wedding present. They set a date, by the way. March 21st, the first day of spring."

"That's almost three months from now. Why'd you start on the painting so soon?'' Tatsuha shrugged again.

"I dunno. I just got this perfect image in my head, and I guess I just wanted to get it down before I lost it."

"What's the image?"

"It's...like, the two of them, only...I don't really know how to explain it," Tatsuha said, looking apologetic.

"That's allright," Fukai-sensei assured him. "After all, the whole point of art is to communicate that which can't be said." Changing subject, he asked Tatsuha how school was going.

"Okay," Tatsuha said, shrugging again. He did that a lot during these sessions. "They're telling me I may have to repeat the year if I miss as much class as I did last year. They said I nearly ended up missing more classes than I attended that term."

"Don't they know why you missed so many days?"

"They know I was in the hospital and had to recover," Tatsuha hedged. He had a feeling he knew what was coming.

"But they don't know about the attack." It wasn't a question.

"It's not exactly something I like to broadcast," Tatsuha snapped defensively. "Besides, _officially_, there was no attack."

"It bothers you that the men who raped you were never caught." Again, it wasn't a question.

"Of course it fucking bothers me!'' he spat. ''The police dragged me through all that shit and it didn't even make a difference!"

"Rape is a hard thing to prosecute. But, do you regret trying?" Tatsuha sighed heavily as the temporary rage left him.

"I guess not," he answered truthfully. "That's not even what's really bothering me right now." Fukai-sensei gestured for him to continue. "I was just thinkin'," he began, "about how much stuff has changed since then. About how everything's so different."

"Do you think these changes are bad?" Another shrug. Tatsuha leaned forward in his seat and laced his fingers together in a contemplative gesture.

"Do you think I'd still be the same if nothing had ever happened?" he asked.

"Who can say?'' Fukai-sensei replied. "You know, an English philoshopher named John Locke once said that every person is born with a _tabula rasa_, or blank slate. He introduced the idea that it is our personal experiences that make us into who we are. According to his theory, the attack you experienced was just one of the many experiences that have made you what you are." Seeing Tatsuha's slightly bewildered look, he tried a different approach. "Think of it through an artist's point of view. Your life began as an empty canvas, and as you began to grow, your canvas was filled with all kinds of different colors and designs. Your being raped by those men was just one bold stroke of a brush. The thing you have to figure out for yourself, Tatsuha, is whether or not you've let that one, bold stroke become the only thing to fill your canvas."

* * *

"Tohma!" Ryuichi sang as he glided into his friend and bandmates office. He jumped over Tohma's expensive desk to give the man a hug. The blond producer smiled indulgently and gently pushed the hyper singer off his person.

"Hello, Ryuichi," he greeted. "I'm sorry, but I can't chat right now. I'm really behind on a lot of work." And he was. With Eiri and Shindou's engagement going public, he was having to work major overtime to do as much as he could to fend off the press, which was going to be nearly impossible at the upcoming Bad Luck/Nittle Grasper New Year's concert. And with New Year's Eve only five days away, it was extremely hard ot get anything productive done. It certainly didn't help that Shindou had missed two rehearsals in the past week to go to Kyoto and give his soon-to-be-brother-in-law, Tatsuha, a surprise birthday party. Really, was he the only one in the whole building with even an ounce of maturity?

"But, Tohma," Ryuichi whined, dragging out the last syllable of his name to an almost epic length, "all you do is work, work, work! Kuma-chan says you need to learn to have a little fun! If you don't you'll start getting nasty, old wrinkles all over your pretty face, na no da!" Tohma mentally rolled his eyes and tried not to point out the fact that Ryuichi was only a year younger than he was, and if he started getting wrinkles, the singer would, too. Of course, the last time he tried saying that, his bandmate had collapsed into a puddle of tears for an hour.

"Ryu,'' Tohma began, "I have more important things to worry about now than wrinkles. The New Year's concert is in five days, or have you already forgotten?" Ryuichi beamed and jumped into the center of the room.

"Of course Ryu hasn't forgotten, na no da! The RyuShu team is going to give those people a night to remember!'' Tohma smiled knowingly at his friend's enthusiasm. He knew for a fact that while Ryuichi considered Shindou a dear friend, he also considered him his greatest rival, and greatest threat. Tohma theorized that Ryuichi's insistance that Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper play together at every oppurtunity had less to do with comraderie and more to do with the fact that the more experienced singer wanted to be sure that his 'buddy' wasn't going to surpass him without him being aware of it. _Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer, as the cliche goes,_ Tohma thought, watching his bandmate dance around the room with Kumagoro and sing in his own made-up language. _But I wonder, how long can you keep up with a generation nearly half your age?_

It was no secret that Ryuichi was getting older. While thirty-one was young by most standards, in the music world, you might as well be sixty-one. And thirty-two wasn't that far away from the singer, either. The producer wondered how long it would be before Ryuichi let his age catch up with him. His guess was as good as anyone else's. After all, talking to Ryuichi about age was like talking to a rock about the weather: completely pointless and exhausting. He supposed he'd just have to wait for the inevitable and be there to pick up the pieces when it came.

Like he always did.

* * *

"Shuichi, please don't make me do this."

"Please, Hiro! you have to! Everything's riding on this decision, I need your help! Please!"

"But-"

"Please, Hiro!"

"Fine!...the gold ones," Hiro decided, pointing at the picture of the golden napkin rings. Shuichi blinked.

"But, those are so ugly!" he screamed at the guitarist. "How could you pick those?"

"You asked me for my opinion. I think the gold ones look better."

"I wouldn't have asked you if I knew you were gonna pick those!" he whined. Hiro sighed exasperatedly.

"Fine," he said. "Then use the silver ones instead." Shuichi blinked again.

"But, they're _silver_," the singer spat out the last word as if it were a disease.

"So?" Hiro prompted.

"And the napkins are white! Silver and white don't go together, they're almost the exact same!"

''So, which one do you want?" Hiro asked wearily.

"I don't know! That's why I was trying to ask you, but you keep changing your mind! You're no help at all!" Shuichi screeched, snatching up the two pictures and running out of the room. Hiro groaned and collapsed on the couch. Shuichi was his best friend, but getting engaged was making him an uncontrollable, unconsolable spaz. Or rather, an even _more_ uncontrollable, unconsolable spaz. And the wedding wasn't even for another three months! Hiro shuddered at the thought of three more months of napkin ring hysterics. He hated Eiri Yuki; he really did.

Suguru returned from getting a soda to find one of his bandmates missing and the other buried in the couch. He sighed. Shindou's engagement was good enough news, but why did the band have to suffer so much for it? At first, he'd thought that the engagement would benefit the band, since Shindou wouldn't be such a theatrical mess all the time from his constant fights with the novelist. Instead, Suguru found himself missing those days. At least then, there had been the occasional moments of peace, however temporary those moments were.

Falling into the lounge chair across from Hiro, Suguru closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift off to sleep. The New Year's concert was approaching, and they desperately needed to rehearse, but there was no way the young prodigy was going to willingly seek out the whirlwind of hysteria that was the soon-to-be Shuichi Yuki.

* * *

Okay thats it for Chapter 1. Oops, I didn't tell you that Yuki and Shu were gonna tie the knot? smiles innocently Silly me. By the way, raise your hand if someone's ever done to you something like what Shu did to Hiro with the napkin rings. My mom and sisters do that to me all the time! It makes me so mad!

I realized that I made an error in Ryu's age in the Prologue, and I fixed it, but I want to make sure it's right. Assuming the series started sometime between April 1 and December 21 (Ryu and Tats' birthdays), that would mean that Tats would turn 17 before Ryu would turn 32, right? Let me know if I'm wrong.

Anyhoo, lots of conflicts introduced in this chapter, but don't think I'm done yet, there are still more surprises to come! Hehe.

Read and Review!

Much Love!  
Tenka-chan


	3. Trace

Arg, I'm sorry this is a little late, but the powers-that-be just didn't want me to post this chapter! To explain, there's been some 'severe thunderstorms' around my neighborhood for the past few days. Yesterday morning, I was getting ready to post this, when all of a sudden, the power goes out. I start screaming and my whole family runs in, thinking I'm hurt or something, and I just start screaming "I DIDN'T SAVE!!!" So, yeah. I pretty much had to start over from scratch because I'm a moron when it comes to the 'save' button. And then, when I'd rewritten the chapter, the stupid site wouldn't let me post anything! What do they have against this chapter, I wonder.

Anyhoo, here's Chapter 2! Finally! Not a lot of Ryu, but hopefully enough angst to keep you interested!

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Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation.

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**Canvas**

**Chapter 2 - Trace**

* * *

"Please, Tat-chan, you have to be there!" Shuichi whined for the fourth time that night. "It's the biggest concert we've ever played and I want all the people I care about to be there! We're going to be brothers soon, doesn't that count for anything?"

"Shu,'' Tatsuha began, trying to calm the pink-haired singer down, "I told you, I can't. I have to work at the temple, my dad can't handle it alone. I need to be there. All the religious families go there to celebrate the old year's ending, or whatever it is those religious people do."

"But, this is a really big deal! It's the biggest concert of my career! I've been saving this ticket for you ever since they booked it! And besides, you never have any fun anymore since-" Shuichi cut himself off and slapped both hands over his mouth, blushing bright red. Tatsuha just grinned at the singer's slip of the tongue. Then, he decided to be merciful.

"It's okay, Shuichi," he reassured. "It was eight months ago. I've moved on." Shuichi nodded meekly but still looked upset. Hoping to relieve the sudden wave of tension that had passed over the room, Tatsuha pulled out his sketchbook from his backpack. When Shuichi had invited him over for the weekend, he had demanded that Tatsuha bring him 'something pretty' from his art collection. The singer had been doing that an awful lot lately. He'd invite Tatsuha to dinners, concerts, movies, amusement parks, anything and everything a person could think of to do for fun. Shuichi had claimed that since he and Tatsuha were going to be related soon, they needed to ''bond''.

Personally, Tatsuha thought the ''bonding'' sessions were less about the singer liking him, and more about the singer desperately wanting at least one person in Eiri's family to like him. But, really, who could blame him? The Uesugi family wasn't exactly known for its warmth and acceptance, especially when it came to certain pink-haired singers.

"Oohhh," Shuichi cooed, flipping to the middle of the book. "This is so pretty...What is it?" Tatsuha looked over the singer's shoulder to see which painting he was referring to.

"Oh, that's just a guy with his back turned or something. I didn't really put that much thought into it," Tatsuha answered, shrugging. It must have been some sketch he'd done on a whim. He didn't even remember drawing it. Shuichi flipped the book over and squinted thoughtfully.

"Who's he supposed to be? He looks really familiar." The singer's question made Tatsuha start. The person in the painting _did _look pretty familiar. For a moment, Tatsuha was sure that if the man in the picture turned around, he'd recognize his face for sure.

Shaking his head, Tatsuha snapped, "It's no one. It's just a stupid drawing." Seeing Shuichi's wounded look, Tatsuha changed the subject. "Where's my brother, anyway?" The moody writer was normally there to ruin their fun by now.

"He's in Sendai, talking to a few publisher people," Shuichi answered. "I couldn't go because the I have to be ready for the concert by tomorrow afternoon. He said he'd be back in time to see it, though." The pink-haired singer's face brightened as he continued, "You know, this is the first concert he's actually been to instead of just watched! He'll be backstage the whole time, though, cuz he said there was no way he was gonna welcome the new year surrounded by a bunch of rabid teenagers. I'm so nervous, but in a good way, you know?" Tatsuha didn't know, but he smiled and nodded anyway.

It was weird to imagine his brother getting married, but that fact that it was Shuichi made it less weird. He had known from the start that the pink-haired maniac was the perfect yin to his brother's moody yang. He just hoped the union between the two wouldn't put too much strain on their relationship. They were a good couple; they deserved to last. Even if no one else seemed to think so.

After a long silence, Shuichi got up off the couch and ran into the kitchen, returning shortly with a single, white envelope, which he held out to Tatsuha with a smile. Tatsuha warily took the envelope, quirking an eyebrow at the singer.

"What is this?" he asked. Shuichi just grinned.

"Your concert ticket and back stage pass." Tatsuha groaned and rolled his eyes.

"For the millionth time, Shuichi, I can't go I have too much stuff to do." The singer just kept grinning.

"You're gonna go, and you're gonna have fun, or else," the singer informed Tatsuha, still grinning like a madman.

"Or else what?"

"Or else I tell your sister that you've become anorexic." Tatsuha's eyes widened.

"But, that's a lie," the young monk stuttered.

"And how long do you think it will take for her to realize that?" Tatsuha paused, then smirked.

"I think Aniki and I have been a bad influence on you, Shuichi," he said heaving a false put-upon sigh of defeat. Shuichi just cheered and jumped on Tatsuha, chattering on and on about how awesome the concert was going to be. Against his own will, Tatsuha found himself looking forward to the following night. It had been a while since he'd gone out and let loose.

_What the hell? I deserve to have a little fun, too. And besides, what could it hurt?_

* * *

Tatsuha pushed past the wave of screaming fans as he tried to get to his seat. _Gods, the concert hasn't even started yet. _He checked his watch. 10:52 p.m.. The concert was going to start any minute. Nittle Grasper was scheduled to perform around 11:00, as the band to wrap up the old year. Bad Luck would take over after the countdown, being the first band to play in the the new year. Tatsuha wondered if the line-up's symbolism was obvious to anyone else. _Out with the old, in with the new, huh?_

Suddenly, the lights dimmed, and the screaming increased tenfold. Tatsuha looked around the concert hall. He'd been here before, but that seemed like such a long time ago. Bright lights began to flash and a soft bass line was heard above the scraeming. Tatsuha suddenly remembered why he loved going to concerts. You could suspend reality, forget all your troubles, and just immerse yourself in the music. He lifted his arms and raised his voice with the rest of the crowd. For a moment, it was like the events of the past eight months had never even happened.

Then, the spotlight settled on the stage, and Tatsuha froze.

There it was. The face of the man he'd tried so hard to tear out of his life. He'd spent months trying to forget that face, to leave it behind and move on with his life. So he could grow up. So he could have a new life. A different life.

_"Let me tell you about it."_

_"Do you recognize any of these men?"_

_"Is it true that you are a regular user of recreational drugs?"_

_"Maybe it's time for you to make a few changes in your lifestyle."_

_"Were there any witnesses?"_

_"You know, there are other ways to express your feelings."_

_"Were you under the influence of any alcohol, amphetamines, or narcotics?"_

_"About how many people have you had sexual relations with in your lifetime?"_

_"It's time for you to move on."_

_"I'm sorry, but there just isn't enough evidence to continue with this investigation."_

_"If you don't leave your old habits behind, you'll never move on."_

_"Forget Ryuichi Sakuma, and get on with your life!''_

Tatsuha couldn't breathe.

His voice, _that voice_, began to pour over the audience. Tatsuha began to frantically shove his way against the crowd, towards the exit. Away from that face, away from that voice. Why had he come here? It was a mistake. A stupid, impulsive mistake. He had to get out. He stumbled through the Exit doors and into the relatively deserted hall. The voice was still there, he could still hear it. He ran outside into the harsh winter cold and leaned against the brick wall. He slid to to the ground and let the cold wind numb his entire body. _What's wrong with me? It's just a stupid concert. I've moved on, there's no reason for all this shit!_

* * *

Yuki lit a cigarette and suppressed the urge to sigh. It was bad enough he had to listen to the brat's pathetic attempt at lyrics, but was it really necessary for him to sit through that rabbit-freak's performace, too? _Happy Fucking New Year to me, _he thought bitterly. He watched as the rabbit-freak's band wrapped up their performance and wished the hoard of crazed fans a Happy New Year. _Finally. _The video screen at the back of the stage suddenly flashed a large '10' in bold, pink letters. The audience went into a frenzt and started counting down with the screen. At six, Yuki crushed his cigarette underneath his shoe. By two, he'd lit up another one.

**"Happy New Year!"**

Yuki exhaled a thin cloud of smoke as the brat's band began to play with a fierceness even he'd never heard. He guessed the concert really did matter a lot to the little brat. Of course, he didn't really care, but at least it meant he'd get some really great action that night.

"They really have come a long way, haven't they?" Yuki supressed a groan as he turned to face his brother-in-law.

"Hn," he replied, hoping the blond keyboardist would take the hint and get lost. Tohma just smiled. No such luck.

"I must say, I didn't think they'd last this long, or get this big. I don't think anyone did."

"Hn."

"Oh, I almost forgot, how's Tatsuha been lately?'' the producer asked. Yuki exhaled again and crushed his cigarette beneath his foot, its crushed remains blending in with the previous one.

"How the hell should I know?" the writer snapped. "Ask him yourself, he's supposed to be here." Tohma's eyes widened, smile fading slightly.

"Really? I thought he'd gotten over his little obsession," Tohma said, fighting the urge to clench his teeth. Yuki shrugged and pulled out another cigarette.

"It was the brat's idea for him to come. He's been pestering him for weeks about it, apparently."

"Is that so?" Tohma told himself not to panic. After all, the odds of the two actually-

"Tohma!" Noriko yelled, runner over to her bandmate. "Ryuichi's missing! No one's seen him since the end of the performance!"

_Shit._

* * *

Tatsuha flashed his backstage pass as he walked past security and into the backstage area. He felt terrible for missing Shuichi's performance, so, after getting over his slight panic attack, he'd decided to meet up with singer backstage to congratulate him. He slipped past the crew, scanning the area for a bright pink dot. His gaze settled on a blank dressing room door. He walked up and knocked softly.

"Shucihi?" he called. "Is that you? It's Tatsuha, I just came to-'' His sentence cut off as the door sudenly creaked open.

"Tatsuha? That's a nice name, na no da!"

* * *

Poor Tatsuha, this just isn't your night is it? Or, is it?

DUN DUN DUNNN! Cliffie! Well, not really. Oh, well. I know Shu and Tats' relationship is more brotherly than Yuki and Tats', but like I said, it's more about Shu wanting a friend than anything else. I mean, come on, can you imagine marrying a guy with those people for a family?

Anyhoo, review please, and I'll love you forever!


	4. Sculpt

Hey all! I meant to put this note in the _last chapter_, but I forgot since I was so focused on just getting it to upload!

**Anyhoo, I'm sorry to say this, but updates will probably be taking about 3 days to a week from now on. At the absolute worst it should take 10 days. It's just that summer is winding down, and I have a LOT of stuff to do that I put off til the last minute. Plus, I have band camp to prepare for (Yes, I am a band weenie), so I'm sorry, but there will be a little more space in between updates. I realize to most of you this really isn't important at all, and it's just me rambling about irrelevant personal stuff. But still, I just thought I should let you all know that.**

**PROCASTINATORS UNITE!!! ...TOMORROW!**

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Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation.

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**Canvas**

**Chapter 3 - Sculpt**

* * *

Tatsuha couldn't breathe.

The young monk had suffered through a lot the past few months. He'd been thrown into a whirlwind of trauma, pain, anger, and hopelessness. In his entire life, Tatsuha had never felt as weak as he'd felt when he was lying on that hospital bed. He remembered the feeling of being utterly lost, hurt, and alone. And he had no one to blame but himself. He'd done it all to himself. He realized the hard way that his reckless, impulsive lifestyle was poisoning him, and the poison was eating him away from the inside out. So, he decided to slowly suck the poison out of his life.

He sucked out the women.

He sucked out the drugs.

He sucked out the booze.

And most importantly, he had sucked Ryuichi Sakuma out of his life.

Forever. For good.

Or at least, that's what he thought.

"Um, Hello? Are you okay? Kuma thinks you look sick. Are you? Do you need us to get you a doctor? Doctors always help me when I'm sick, except when they give me shots. Those really hurt, but I always get a piece of candy afterwards, so it's okay!"

Tatsuha tried to calm himself down while the singer continued to talk about doctors and candy. There he was, face-to-face with the singer he'd been trying to remove from his life for months. And it didn't help that said singer was chatting away at him like they were old friends. Tatsuha forced himself be calm. There was no reason for him to panic or have a massive fanboy attack. He was completely over Ryuichi Sakuma. He had no reason to avoid or maul the man. Therefore, he was just going to calmly answer the his questions and ask him where he could find Shuichi. He boldly opened his mouth to speak,

...and promptly passed out at the singer's feet.

* * *

"What do you mean, _missing_?"

"I mean, he's gone! No one can find him!"

Tohma sighed and tried to fight off the impending migraine that came with his bandmate's _disappearances_. It wasn't exactly uncommon for Ryuichi to vanish after a concert, but it was still a very stressful thing to deal with. He almost became angry at the singer for his inconsideration, but he quickly stopped himself. Ryuichi didn't know any better. He didn't think disappearing for a few hours would hurt anyone. And besides, he'd be back pretty soon, all smiles and laughs. There was really no reason to worry. Except for,

...Tatsuha.

Tohma felt the panic rising in his chest. He'd never considered Tatsuha's fanatical attitude much of a threat before. Mostly because Ryuichi wasn't attracted to people like Tatsuha. When you've been a celebrity that long, fans lose their romantic appeal. But still, after hearing more about the teen from Mika, Tohma realized that if the two ever actually met, the attraction between them wouldn't stay one-sided for very long.

He'd realized this right before he'd found out about Tatsuha's rape.

As horrible as it sounded, that had been the perfect oppurtunity for Tohma to ensure that Ryuichi and Tatsuha would never meet.

And he'd taken full advantage of it.

The producer strode over to the security guards and...requested that they find the singer within the hour, or he would have them all replaced with a more competent group. The guards nodded frantically and spread out quickly. Tohma sighed and pulled out his cell phone. Ryuichi never kept his charged, but it didn't hurt to try. He just hoped he reached Ryuichi before he and Tatsuha met up.

For all of their sakes.

* * *

Tatsuha awoke in a strange room on a lumpy couch. He blinked and tried to figure out where he was. _How'd I get here. Where-_

"Oh, you're awake, na no da! Me and Kuma were so scared when you fainted! I almost got you a doctor, but Kuma remembered that we're supposed to be hiding, so I just pulled you in here! You're tall, but really skinny, so it was easy!"

Tatsuha almost blacked out again. Ryuichi Sakuma had carried him into his dressing room! This was so- wait! No, this was bad. This was...

"Are you okay, Tatsuha-chan? Hmm, that's such a nice name. You can do so much with it. Tat-chan, Ta-kun, Tats, 'Tsuha, 'Tsu-chan. They're all great, don't you think?" the singer asked, beaming at the young monk. Tatsuha gulped and nodded slightly.

_Come on, Tatsuha. You're overreacting. He's just a guy, and you're over you're little crush, so what's the harm? He did help you out, after all._

"Yeah," he replied. "They're all okay, I guess."

"You can't really do much with my name. You do know my name, don't you?" the singer asked playfully, leaning in close so he and Tatsuha were barely a foot apart. Tatsuha felt goosebumps rise on his arms at the singer's closeness.

"You're Ryuichi Sakuma." The singer's smile gave way to a smirk for a moment before changing back. Ryuichi gently pushed Tatsuha's long legs up so he could climb on the couch and face the young monk.

"Yep. Do you like my music?"

"I love it." The answer left his mouth before Tatsuha could stop it. "Your voice is really great. I've been listening to you since I was twelve." The singer cocked his head to one side as he said that.

"How old are you now?" he inquired.

"Seventeen," Tatsuha answered. The singer's eyes widened as he leaned back.

"Seventeen? But, you look so much older, na no da! Kuma and I thought you were at least twenty!"

"Yeah," Tatsuha laughed. "I get that a lot." Ryuichi studied the teen closely. He said he was a fan, but he wasn't screaming or asking him for his autograph or anything! He sure was pretty, though. Deep, dark eyes and hair. Slim features. No, he wasn't pretty. He was beautiful. Gorgeous, even. Ryuichi liked this boy. Kumagoro liked him, too. But, he seemed sad for some reason. Ryuichi decided he was going to stop the boy from being sad.

"You're really cute, too! I bet you get that a lot, too, na no da!" Ryuichi giggled, winking at the monk. Tatsuha's eyes widened. He blushed. _Wait, what's the big deal? He just... called you...cute._

"A-actually, no. Not really," Tatsuha stuttered. Cute. He'd never been called cute. Handsome. Charming. Never cute. Cute was for chicks. Tatsuha was a man, a manly man. The singer frowned and clutched Kumagoro to him.

"Well, you are! You're really cute! You look like-"

"Eiri Yuki," Tatsuha snapped before he could stop himself. He didn't know why, but hearing that from Ryuichi Sakuma made him irritable for some reason. The singer just looked confused.

"Shu-chan's fiance? No, not him. You're not near as mean-looking. Oh! Don't tell anyone I said that! Shu-chan doesn't like people being mean to him, even though he's mean to everyone else. I was gonna say that you look like a supermodel to me! You're so tall and pretty! Are you a supermodel?" Tatsuha flushed. There he was, sitting in a strange room with a celebrity he used to be obsessed with, and the celebrity was complimeting him!

"I'm not a model. I'm a painter," Tatsuha said. _Wait, why did I tell him that? _Ryuichi's eyes lit up.

"A painter? I've never known a real painter before! I've known photographers, but Kumagoro says they don't really count. What do you paint? Can I see your paintings?"

"Well, they aren't in any galleries or anything. I just keep 'em at home."

"You have to let me come over and see them!" Ryuichi exclaimed. Tatsuha blinked. That was...unexpected.

"B-but, you're...aren't you, you know, busy?" Tatsuha asked. He was beginning to feel uncomfortable. People didn't invite strangers over to their houses after knowing them for five minutes! And this was Ryuichi Sakuma, Singing Superstar! Tatsuha stood up nervously. "I think I should go."

"Go?" Ryuichi asked, jumping up next to him. "But, I wanted to talk some more!" The singer paused. "Don't you like me?"

"Yeah! I mean, I barely know you." Tatsuha had to leave. He had to get away before he got in too deep. "It was nice meeting you. Really. Thanks for everything." He opened the door and rushed out before the singer could protest. What had come over him? He'd just revealed tons of personal information to a stranger.

_No. Not a stranger, _Tatsuha's inner voice said. _Someone you've known for a long, long time. _

_No. I got over that. Really! He's just another guy to me. _

_Then why is it such a big deal?_

* * *

Ryuichi gasped as the door slammed shut. What had he done? What had he said?

Why was he so sad to see him go?

He sighed. That boy had been so sweet, so cute. He'd seemed so nice and genuine. That type of thing was hard to come by in the music industry. But, he'd scared him off. The boy, Tatsuha, wasn't interested in him at all.

"But, he didn't say he didn't like me," the singer told his rabbit. "He said he barely knows me. So, all I have to do is find him and get to know him, and then he'll like me!" Ryuichi was sometimes baffled by his own intelligence. Something on the couch caught his eye. He leaned over and picked it up gently. It was a wallet. Tatsuha's wallet. His cinderella had left him a slipper to find him with. Pulling out the boy's driver's license, Ryuichi smiled.

"Don't worry, Prince Ryu and the mighty Kuma the Great will find you, Tat-chan!"

* * *

Wow, Ryu's really stalker-ish in this very short, pathetic chapter. Don't worry, it'll get much worse. I know Tohma's really mean in this one, but he doesn't think he's being mean. That's just Tohma, I guess. For those of you who are disappointed with the lack of Uesugi brother ''bonding'' in this story, there will be plenty of that in the next chapter! And, more Bridezilla Shu!

And for those of you who are going "WHERE'D ALL THE ANGST GO!?!!?", that will be in the next chapter, too.

Oh, see that purple button down there! Hit it and you'll get a free X-Box! ...Okay, I lied, but you'll get a big thank you from me! And horrible virtual cookies! YAY, HORRIBLE VIRTUAL COOKIES!!!!

Much Love!

Tenka-chan


	5. Color

Wow, this took longer than I anticipated. Oh well.

Uesugi snark and crazyRyu ahoy!

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Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation.

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**Canvas**

**Chapter 4 - Color**

* * *

Tatsuha stumbled into his brother's apartment at 4:00 a.m. the following morning. He collapsed on the couch with a long groan. What a way to start the new year. He'd gone to a concert for his future brother-in-law, met his ex-idol, run away from said ex-idol, nearly suffered an anxiety attack, and somehow managed to get his wallet stolen during one of those previous events. Left with no money, Tatsuha had been forced to walk all the way across Tokyo to his brother's home in the middle of the night on a New Year's morning. Needless to say, the young monk considered himself lucky to have returned to the apartment in one piece and simply wanted to crash on his brother's couch for the next twelve hours.

"Where the hell have you been?"

At that moment, Tatsuha could have cried.

He didn't, of course, but he really could have. With a massive amount of effort, the teenager opened his eyes and turned to face his older brother, who looked incredibly pissed. The novelist glared at his younger brother as he waited for an explanation. Tatsuha merely glared right back. His brother had no right to be mad; _he _was the one who got to be mad.

" 'Where have I been?' I've been running all over fucking Tokyo, Japan on a New Year's 'cause _you _didn't wait for me!" Tatsuha hissed at his brother. He was too tired to yell.

His brother just quirked an eyebrow at him and said, "We did wait for you. The brat said he didn't see you in the audience, and I didn't see you backstage, so we just assumed you went home. He's very pissed at you, by the way. I'd advise you to go out early in the morning before he sees you." Tatsuha moaned. That was all he needed. An angry Bridezilla Shuichi.

"Look, it wasn't my fault!" he protested. He really didn't want to spend the rest of his winter vacation on his brother's shit list, or worse, get kicked out and forced to return home. Getting his father's permission to spend New Year's, one of Japan's busiest holidays, away from the temple had not been easy. "Some dickhead took my wallet, and I...got lost trying to find him." Tatshua groaned inwardly as he saw his brother's eyes narrow suspiciously at the last part of his sentence. There was no way he was telling his brother about his meeting with Ryuichi Sakuma. Absolutely no good could come from opening that can of worms. He'd just have to hope his brother bought his little half-lie. Tatsuha didn't want Eiri getting involved with his personal life ever again.

"You got your wallet stolen?" Eiri asked. "You dumbass."

"Love you, too, Aniki," Tatsuha muttered sarcastically.

"How much cash did you have?"

"Almost none," Tatsuha answered. "Just enough to get me a ride home incase you guys _left me_." The monk had been to enough concerts in the past to know not to carry anything valuable with him. Aside from his driver's license, which he'd report stolen in the morning, there hadn't been anything of real value in his wallet. The wallet itself was even a worthless piece of crap. And being completely immobile, a lost driver's license was no tragedy to Tatsuha.

"And you couldn't have called?"

"What are you, my mother? Of course I tried to call, but it seems like things here were a little too _loud _for you to hear," Tatsuha sniped. If Eiri got to play mommy, then he got to play the brat.

"Hey, don't bite the hand that lets you sleep on its couch and eat its food," Eiri barked walking into the kitchen and returning a few moments later with a beer. Tatsuha glared at him. He wasn't allowed beer anymore as part of his rehabilitation, and his brother knew it, too.

"Whatever. Can I sleep now?" Tatsuha asked, feeling his eyelids getting heavier by the second.

"I don't know, can you?" his brother shot back, crossing the room and making his way to the bedroom.

"Ha ha ha! Oh, Aniki, you're so _hilarious_!"

* * *

"Ryuichi, please don't wander off like that. You know it makes Noriko and me worry."

Ryuichi sighed and absently stroked Kumagoro's ears. He hated it when Tohma got upset with him. He really hadn't meant to make anybody worry when he'd disappeared. He'd just wanted some alone time.

And then he'd met Tat-chan.

The not-so-young singer had never met a boy like that. Ta-kun was so simple, yet at the same time, complex. None of his features were all that unique, but he was still strikingly beautiful. Ryuichi simply had to see the boy again.

"Ryuichi? Are you even listening to me? Don't you know how many people there are out there who would have happily taken advantage of you? What would you have done, then? I can't protect you forever, Ryuichi, sooner or later, you're going to have to grow up!"

As soon as Tohma was done being upset with him, of course.

"But Tohma," Ryuichi whined, "I'm fine see? And besides, Kumagoro was there to protect me, so I was perfectly safe." Tohma rolled his eyes at his bandmate's predictable brush-off. Honestly, the producer had no idea why he even bothered anymore. He'd spent over ten years giving Ryuichi the same lecture; he doubted it would have any effect at that moment.

"Fine, Ryuichi, just go home and try not to cause anymore trouble," Tohma pleaded. The keyboardist had suffered a long night and just wanted to get home without any other interruptions. He wondered if that was that really too much to ask.

* * *

Ryuichi entered his bedroom in his penthouse apartment and plopped down on his Teen Titans clad king-sized bed. He pulled 'Tsuha's wallet out of his jacket pocket and removed the driver's license. Tsutsu certainly was photogenic, even on a plastic card. He looked at the address. Kyoto? So, Ta-chan was from the old capital. That was surprisingly fitting for a boy like him.

Ryuichi traced his thumb over the image of Tatsu-kun's dark hair. He imagined stroking that soft hair in person, the way he had when the boy had been unconcious in that abandoned dressing room. He was so beautiful, so genuine, but also so solemn. Almost like he was afraid to feel what he was really feeling. That was just too sad! Tat-chan deserved to feel happy, just like everyone else! The singer felt a definite connection to this young artist, and he was going to find out why Tats was so withdrawn, and then help to bring him out of his shell.

As soon as he found a map of Kyoto.

* * *

"Shuichi, I said I was sorry, now would you please let me in?"

"That was the biggest concert of my career, Tatsuha, the biggest! And you didn't even show up, or at least come backstage to apologize for not showing up, or even call, or...something!"

"I told you, someone took my wallet, and I got lost, and I couldn't get home, and- I'm really sorry Shuichi, now please let me in! I have to pee!" Tatsuha pleaded. He'd been pounding on the apartment door for almost an hour now, and his 'ex-brother-in-law', as Shuichi had declared himself, was not budging. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten his key. Well, actually he could, but he really couldn't believe Shuichi was locking him out. That was something Eiri would do - had done.

"Well, you can just go pee at your sister's or at your own place, because you're not welcome here anymore!" Shuichi wailed, his voice barely muffled by the door. Tatsuha flung himself against the door. It didn't budge.

"Shuichi," he whined. "I really didn't mean to miss your performance. You know I'd never do that to you on purpose! Now please let me- Oomf!" Tatsuha fell forward as the door suddenly swung open, revealing a teary-eyed, glaring Shuichi.

"You know I don't believe that wallet crap. Yuki doesn't either, he told me," the singer pointed out bitterly. "But, I do know you wouldn't miss it without a good reason, and even if you would, you wouldn't lie about it after." The singer paused to strengthen his glare on the younger boy. "But don't think that means I'm not still mad at you. You're still not invited to the wedding!"

"I understand, Shu," Tatsuha replied, trying desperately to appear solemn. He'd already been uninvited and re-invited to the wedding three times; he saw no reason for alarm. "I'll just get my things and go." Shuichi looked upset for a second, then firmy planted the glare back on his face.

"Well, you don't have to go now," the singer mumbled. Tatsuha fought the urge to smirk. Shuichi was so predictable it wasn't even funny.

"I've got to, Shu," he replied. "The old man needs me. Things are starting to get better with us. I really don't want to fuck it up by pissing him off." That was true enough. It hadn't been easy for either of them, but Tatsuha and Uesugi-san had made some definite improvements in their relationship, improvements that Tatsuha wanted to keep. The artist made a quick stop to the bathroom and then grabbed his overnight bag and sketchbook. It was time to head home. Shuichi stopped him right after he walked through the door.

"By the way," the singer began. "You might wanna start working on your speech."

"Speech?" Tatsuha asked, spinning around to face the singer. Shuichi shrugged nonchalantly.

"You know, the whole Best Man Speech. You gotta give it in front of everyone, yanno!" Tatsuha gaped. He opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, trying to think of what to say. "Oops, did I ruin the surprise? Oh well, consider yourself lucky. Yuki said he wasn't gonna tell ya until the night before the wedding. Have a nice day!" The door slammed shut. Tatsuha stared at the doorway to the apartment for a good few minutes.

"...Well, shit."

* * *

By the time he reached Kyoto, Tatsuha had somewhat gotten over the initial shock of being annouced as his brother's best man_. That bastard! He couldn't just tell me himself, he had to get his bridezilla to do it for him? _he thought. Of course, it pretty much made sense. His brother had absolutely no friends. His only options were Tatsuha, Tohma, or their father. For some reason, Tatsuha wasn't exactly flattered to be chosen.

Tatsuha entered through the back door to avoid his father. He wanted some alone time before resuming the monotony of temple life. He opened the door to his bedroom and threw his overnight bag on the floor. He looked up and froze as a pair of fierce blue eyes locked with his own. The familiar figure seated on his bed stood up upon his entrance.

"Tsutsu's art is so beautiful, na no da! I'm glad I got to see it!"

* * *

Oh, come on, you had to have seen that coming!

Absolutely no angst this chapter! Arg, why can't I just bring it? Oh well. Ryu sure had a lot of names for Tats! That's important to remember, I guess.

Anyhoo, click the **LILAC **(Linker27) button and review!


	6. Cut

Woo! Here there be romance...AND ANGST!!! FINALLY!!! Oh, and a big thank you to **Ish**, for letting me know about an error I made. In the first installment of the prologue, I wrote that Tatsuha's rapists had been put away, but I changed it later because I figured it would be more dramatic if his rapists had never been put away. However, I didn't post the modified version, so I probably confused some people. So, thanks again **Ish **for making me aware of that! MUCH LOVE!!!

This chappie is dedicated to my two-way beta **Baka Orange Neko**, who has helped me immensley with this chapter! READ HER FICS!!! THEY ROCK!!! MUCH LOVE, BON-BON!!!

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Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation.

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**Canvas **

**Chapter 5 - Cut **

* * *

_"Tsutsu's art is so beautiful, na no da! I'm glad I got to see it!"_

Tatsuha stuttered feebly for a few moments, but found himself unable to form a coherent sentence. His eyes locked on the beaming form of Ryuichi Sakuma. The singer was standing in front of his bed, looking at Tatsuha with...was that _affection _he saw in the singer's eyes? No, that couldn't be possible. They didn't even know each other.

_He went out of his way to find out where you live, _the nagging voice in Tatsuha's head insisted. _He must feel _something _for you._

Tatsuha's knees were shaking. He wondered if he was going to faint again; he did have a habit of doing that around the singer. Steeling himself, Tatsuha finally worked up the courage to speak.

"W-what are _you _doing here?" Ryuichi blinked and cocked his head to one side.

"Are you okay, Ta-chan?" the singer asked, crossing the room and reaching out to feel the teenager's forehead. Tatsuha flinched back violently at the contact as if hed been struck, squeezing his eyes shut involuntarily. He still wasn't very comfortable with physical contact and couldn't control his body's reaction to it sometimes. He took a small step back and opened his eyes. Ryuichi's hand was still extended in mid-air, but his expression had changed from innocent to serious. The singer's eyes narrowed as he slowly lowered his hand. Tatsuha shifted uneasily at the intensity of the piercing gaze. Then, in an instant, the singer's expression reverted back to its original innocent nature. " 'Tsuha, what's wrong? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

" 'What's wrong?' !" Tatsuha yelled, confusion and frustration getting the better of him. "I come home to find Ryuichi fucking Sakuma has broken into my housem and is now in my bedroom ogling my paintings and you ask me what the fuck is wrong? What is wrong with you? You think you can just break into people's houses and act like old buddies? You seriously need help, you-" Tatsuha broke off his little tirade at the singer's wounded look. He didn't lose his temper very often, but there was only so much a guy could take. He sighed and rubbed a hand across his face, mumbling a short apology.

"It's okay, na no da!" the older male chirped. "Tsu-kun's just confused. Don't worry! Kuma and I will make you feel better!" Tatsuha groaned and stumbled over to his bed. Ryuichi followed and sat down beside the black-haired youth.

"Why'd you come here?" Tatsuha mumbled into his pillow.

"I like you," the singer answered simply. "I want to get to know you." Tatsuha tried to ignore the swelling excitement he received at the simple words.

"And that makes you feel justified in breaking into my house? I can't believe this!" Tatsuha honestly didn't know what to think at that point. He had dreamed, _fantasized_, about meeting Ryuichi Sakuma for years. But then, things changed. His whole world changed. _He _changed. "My father is in the temple somewhere, he can't see you. I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in getting to know you. I just...you have to leave." _Before I do something I'll regret._

"No." Tatsuha blinked at the firmness of the short reply. He glared at the stubborn-looking singer.

"If you don't leave now, I'm calling the police!" he threatened. Ryuichi's smile sweet morphed into a fierce smirk.

"But, Ta-kun," the celebrity replied, sauntering up to Tatsuha so that the two were only a few centimeters apart, "if you call the police, won't your father see me?" Tatsuha flushed and racked his brain for another threat before the singer spoke up again. "I'll make you a deal. I'll leave quietly, just the way I came." He paused for a moment to gauge the monk's relieved expression. "But, you have to come with me." Tatsuha's eyes widened at the suggestion.

"And go where?" the raven-haired teenager asked incredulously. Ryuichi's smirk widened as he leaned in closer to whisper in Tatsuha's ear.

"Wherever I want," the singer breathed, enjoying the way the young man's body shivered at the action.

"Okay." the whispered reply left Tatsuha's mouth before he could think. _Okay?! You just agreed to follow a total stranger to 'wherever he wants' to go! Are you insane?! _Tatsuha opened his mouth to retract his answer, but the singer grabbed his hand, and his voice failed him.

"Great!" Ryuichi chirped, innocent smile firmly back in place. "Let's go now! You know, you really shoud think about locking your back window, na no da! You wouldn't want just anybody breaking in!"

* * *

Ryuichi beamed at the beautiful young boy sitting across from him. The child and child-at-heart were at the back of a rather ordinary Kyoto cafe. The latter of the two wore a large baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses to shield himself from the public. He knew better than to let himself be seen with a boy almost half his age, even if neither of them looked their ages.

Contrary to popular belief, Ryuichi Sakuma wasn't stupid, nor was he in any way brain-damaged. He just preferred simplicity. He'd seen the endless drama of the fabulous life and had quickly tired of it. That was when he'd developed his childlike persona. With it, he could act however he wished and not be tied down by adult standards.

Of course, his childlike behavior had other benfits as well. For example, he could observe people a lot more closely than any 'normal' person. People tended to let their guards down easier around him, obviously assuming he was oblivious to their predicaments.

'Tsuha was another story.

The boy was extremely tight-lipped and guarded. He hadn't spoken to the singer since their departure, and every time the older male touched him, he flinched or tensed up immediately. Ryuichi couldn't understand why the teenager was so uncomfortable with touching. He'd always seen physical contact as a comfort, but it seemed to have the opposite effect on Tat-chan. He couldn't help but wonder why. Had someone hurt him? The singer's thoughts were cut off as the young monk finally spoke up.

"Sakuma-san?" the boy inquired tentatively.

"Ryuichi," he corrected immediately. "Ryuichi, and nothing but Ryuichi." Ta-kun nodded quickly, shocked at the vehemence of the interruption.

"Ryuichi," the monk began, "why are we here?"

"Because Kumagoro loves the food here, na no da! Plus, we don't really know that many places to eat in Kyoto. We would've asked Tat-chan, but he was being so quiet we decided not to," Ryuichi rambled, happy to finally be able to speak to the youth.

"That's not what I meant," Tsutsu snapped, glaring at Ryuichi. "Why am _I_ here with _you_?"

"Because you want to be."

"No, I don't!"

"Then why'd you come?"

"Because you didn't give me a choice!"

"Then why haven't you left yet?" Ryuichi smirked as the teen once again found himself without a retort. Arguing with Tat-chan was fun! He decided to coninue. "You could've run off at any time after we left the house. Instead, you came into this cafe with me."

"Only because I want some fucking answers!" Tatsu-kun yelled, ignoring the stares of the other patrons. Ryuichi grinned as he suddenly came up with an idea.

"Let's play a game!" he proposed. Ta-chan sputtered and looked about ready to explode.

"A game?!" the monk ground out.

"You want answers. I want to get to know you. So, you can ask me one question, I'll answer, and then you answer one of my questions! Come on! It'll be fun!" Tat-chan glared for a moment before slumping down in his chair with a mumbled agreement. Ryuichi clapped his hands excitedly. "Yay! Okay, me first! What's your favorite color?"

"Blue," the teen spat. "Now how did you find out where I live?" Ryuichi fished around in his pockets for awhile before pulling out a familiar brown wallet with a triumphant grin. "You stole my wallet?!"

"Found it," Ryuichi corrected, placing the wallet on the table. "How long have you been painting?"

"A few months. How long have you been singing?"

"My whole life!" Ryuichi stated proudly. "What's your favorite band?"

"Nittle Grasper," Tsutsu mumbled, ignoring the singer's face-splitting grin. "Why'd you break into my house?"

"I told you before. I like you."

"That's not a real reason!"

"It's real enough for me," Ryuichi insisted, loving the young monk's fiery temper. "When's your birthday, na no da? Is it soon?"

"December 21st. Too late. Why do you act like a two-year-old?" 'Tsuha hissed. Ryuichi ignored the pang of hurt the teenager's callous words invoked. He narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists.

"It's easier," he answered evenly. "Why don't you like being touched?" Tatsu froze and glared hatefully at the singer.

"That's none of your fucking business," the teen growled, standing up abruptly. "Stay the fuck away from me or I'll call the cops." With that, the young man stormed out of the cafe. Ryuichi calmly stood and followed him outside at a brisk pace.

He couldn't stay away.

Because now he knew Tatsuha.

* * *

Tatsuha panted as he came to a halt in the park nearby. He felt like he was losing his mind. Why had he agreed to go out with that freak? Why hadn't he just called the cops like a regular person? No, he had to follow him into a cafe and answer all his questions.

And he'd forgotten his fucking wallet!

Tatsuha sighed and walked onto the bridge in the middle of the park. He stared over the edge at the murky water beneath. _Why am I so fucked up? The second things start getting back to normal, I have to go fuck things up by going out with a popstar and letting him get inside my head. Nice job, family screw-up!_

He closed his eyes and thought back on his meeting with the odd singer. He wondered how different things would've been if_...it_ had never happened. He laughed bitterly. _Probably would've shit my pants and given him my phone number. _Tatsuha's fingers ached for a paintbrush. A pencil. A crayon. Anything. He needed to vent. He needed to feel.

"Who hurt you?"

Tatsuha gasped and whirled around to face the blue-eyed singer that had spoken. He should've yelled or run awat, but he didn't. He was too tired, just too damn tired.

He was tired of trying to change.

He tired of trying to 'be better' and move on.

And most of all, he was tired of not letting himself feel anything.

"These four guys," he answered softly, but clearly. Fuck moving on. He needed to let himself hang back, just this once. "I was at a club. They snuck up behind me. I never got a chance to fight back. I remember hearing them laughing. Like it was some kinda fucking joke. And then-" Tatsuha broke off to take a deep breath. He'd never described the rape in much betail before, even when speaking the the police and Fukai-sensei. Ryuichi stood quietly beside him, a silent comfort. "I picked them out. Idetified them, I mean. Then we went to court. It was nothing like those fucking shows, let me tell ya. They fried me on the stand. Then we lost the case because of 'lack of physical evidence'. Just like that. Like it didn't matter what they did. Because I'd been the one drinking, smoking, having sex, and getting high, I wasn't allowed to be a victim. Like I fucking asked for it!" Tatsuha finished with a choked sob. Ryuichi slowly moved in closer to him. "Gods, what's wrong with me?" he choked. "I just emptied my guts to a guy I barely know, for no reason at all."

"Tatsuha," Ryuichi said softly, leaning in. Tatsuha started at the sound of his name. The singer hadn't called him by his full name since they'd first met. Tatsuha stepped back.

"I'm sorry," he blurted. "You don't need to hear about my problems. I mean, you're a celebrity, and I'm just...We just, we should just cut thing we have going off before we both get hurt."

"Tatsuha," Ryuichi repeated, "I won't hurt you."

"What are you asking me?!" Tatsuha cried. "Do you want to be friends, have a relationship? We can't! You have a career; I'm a high school student. You're famous; I'm nobody. We're both guys, and plus, our ages! I just-"

"Tatsuha," Ryuichi interrupted firmly. "I want to be with you. Yes, I want a realtionship. I don't care about the rest of the world. You honestly think I care what anyone thinks of me? Now I'm asking you not as the singer from Nittle Grasper, or a celebrity, but as Ryuichi. Do you want to be with me?"

"I...I don't want to get into things too fast," Tatsuha stammered.

"They don't have to," Ryuichi said, leaning in once again. " 'One step at a time', as they say." With that, the singer slowly brought his lips to Tatsuha's and held them there in a soft kiss.

And for the first time in eight months, Tatsuha didn't flinch or pull away.

* * *

AWWWW!!!!! How sad. By the way, you know the 'game' Ryu played with Tats? That's a standard psychological method of information-gathering. Shrinks use it to ease info out of reluctant patients, particularly teenagers. I thought it would be fitting. I thought it was time I finally started making Tatsuha act like a rape victim.

Next chapter has Fukai-sensei! And Tohma! LOTS OF TOHMA!!!

Much Love!

Tenka-chan


	7. Paste

Yo! Sorry this incredibly late, but things have just been really hectic in Real Life. I won't go into detail, but I am sorry this is late, and that it's a filler. A short filler, at that. But, I feel it's important to show just where the relationship with Ryu and Tats is at.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, so (insert witty disclaimer joke here)

* * *

**Canvas **

**Chapter 6 - Paste**

* * *

"Ah, Tatsuha, how are you? Please, come in." 

"Thanks, Fukai-sensei."

Tatsuha settled into his usual chair across from the tall psychiatrist. A few weeks had passed since his encounter at the bridge with a certain blue-eyed celebrity. Since then, the two had created a sweet, although somewhat tentative, relationship. Ryuichi called him almost every night, just to talk, and the two went out together every time the opportunity arose. Ryuichi always picked the places, which was fine with Tatsuha. Surprisingly, Ryuichi seemed to prefer taking him to quiet, solitary spots, as opposed to the loud and flashy joints the singer usually frequented. They would go to the park, occasionally holding hands if no one was around to observe, various shrines and museums, and other usually less crowded locations together. While those sorts of places never appealed to Tatsuha before, it was wonderful to visit them with Ryuichi.

"Tatsuha? Are you listening?"

"Huh? What?" Tatsuha shook his head, quickly snapping back to reality. Fukai-sensei raised an eyebrow at the teenager's odd behavior, jotting down a few notes on his clipboard.

"You seem distracted. I asked you how things have been going lately." Tatsuha grinned sheepishly, feeling slightly nervous. He'd been dodging the doctor's questions for the past few sessions and knew the man was beginning to grow suspicious. Tatsuha didn't know why, but he didn't like the idea of discussing his and Ryuichi's relationship. Perhaps it was because his relationship with the singer was quite complex, and he didn't think having a shrink analyze every aspect of it would help things along very much. Or, maybe he was just too afraid to divulge too much information to any doctor, considering the fact that combining doctors and secrets hadn't worked out too well for him in the past. Either way, when the doctor had first asked him about any new relationships in his life, Tatsuha's first impulse had been to lie right through his teeth. And that plan had worked out pretty well.

So far.

"Tatsuha, when clients come into my office with that sort of look on their faces, I can usually assume one of two things. The first being that they're high or intoxicated, which seems unlikely in your case, considering the fact that your speech is coherent and you aren't twitching. The other option is for me to assume that you have become involved with someone. Am I correct in that assumption?"

"Uhh..." Mind still reeling from Fukai-sensei's oration, Tatsuha simply shrugged numbly. Fukai-sensei seemed to take this as an affirmative, and nodded, once again scribbling notes onto his little clipboard.

"I thought as much. Since you haven't told me about this person already, I'm assuming it's a man."

"What?" Tatsuha asked. What did that have to do with anything?

"Considering your past, I doubt you'd feel comfortable discussing your intimate life with me, for fear that would not condone it and strongly advise you to end it," the psychiatrist clarified.

"Uhh, something like that, yeah."

"And there's a significant age difference." It was a statement of fact, not a question.

"Well...yeah. How'd you-"

"Tatsuha," Fukai-sensei said, smiling, "all my clients range from ages thirteen to twenty-one. Any time a relationship is kept secret from me, it's because there is an age difference. Now, as I have assured you, nothing you say can ever leave this room. However, if it makes you any more comfortable, you don't have to tell me his name or anything else about him you don't want me to know."

"He's thirty-one," Tatsuha blurted, scrutinizing the doctor's face, gauging his reaction to his declaration. If the man was at all shocked at Tatsuha's words, he didn't show it.

"Fourteen years older than you." There was no disapproval or disgust in the man's voice; it was just a calm observation.

"Yep." Tatsuha leaned back in his chair, feelings as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It felt good to be able to tell someone about his relationship with the singer, even if couldn't say very much about it. "Doesn't bother me that much though," he added, knowing that would be the doctor's next question. "At least, not as much as it seems to bother him."

"Are you happy?" The question caught Tatsuha off guard.

Was he happy?

He spent all his spare time with a man almost twice his age. A celebrity. A celebrity who couldn't be seen with him in public. It was the best relationship he'd ever been in, and Tatsuha couldn't even tell his family about it. But, when they were together, he felt safe. He felt like he was moving on with his life.

"Yes. I'm happy."

_And I'm not going to ruin it for myself. _

* * *

"Ryuichi? Are you okay? You seem distracted." 

The singer jumped slightly at Tohma's question, turning to face his bandmate. The two were in the producer's office, sitting across from one another. Tohma had called him there to discuss the singer's recent odd behavior. He plastered an innocent expression on his face, hoping it wasn't too late to fool his old friend.

"I'm fine, na no da! Just excited for Shuichi! His wedding's only two months away, ya know! He asked me and Kumagoro to be there, isn't that great?" Ryuichi hoped bringing Yuki and Shuichi's wedding into the conversation would distract Tohma. While the producer had gradually grown more supportive of the couple's relationship, there was no doubt in Ryuichi's mind that the thought of the two marrying bothered him greatly.

"Yes, I... am aware of that," Tohma replied, his voice slightly strained. "However, that's not what I wanted to discuss with you." _Damn. "_Ryuichi, is everything all right? You aren't in any kind of trouble, are you?"

"No, Tohma! Ryu-chan's just fine! Me and Kuma have just been feeling really bored lately. We haven't played any big concerts since New Year's, and nothing exciting is happening around here!" _Although, over in _Kyoto

"Well, Ryuichi, I'm really worried about you. You can't keep losing your focus so easily. We have an image to uphold, after all." Ryuichi suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at the familiar phrase, the exact phrase Tohma always used when he thought the singer was doing something _undignified._ He wondered how undignified it would be to have the words 'LEAD SINGER ROBS CRADLE' plastered across the tabloids.

Ryuichi wasn't naive. He knew that news of his and Tatsuha's relationship would come out sooner or later; he just wanted to spare his young boyfriend the humiliation of having his privacy violated for as long as he possibly could. As corny as it sounded, he really thought that he and Tatsuha had a chance for something great, and he didn't want to ruin it by rushing the teenager into anything he wasn't ready for. That was also the reason why the singer hadn't attempted anything more intimate than kissing.

Ryuichi silently rose from his chair. He didn't want to think about what Tohma would do if he found out about Tatsuha. Tatsuha had told him about the producer's role in the aftermath of his rape. Ryuichi knew that, when it came to his family, there were no lines Tohma Seguchi would not cross to do what he believed to be best.

"Tohma," he began, hand on the door, "I've been feeling different lately. I've been...happy. And I like it." With that, the singer slipped out of the office and into the hallway. Yes, he was happy.

_And I'm not going to let you, or anyone else, ruin it for me, Tohma._

* * *

Tatsuha fiddled with his shirt sleeve as he waited silently by the bridge in one of Kyoto's many scenic parks. It was the very same bridge where he and Ryuichi had first kissed, where their relationship had first officially begun. The old bridge had become their unofficial meeting place. Ryuichi would call him and tell him what he had planned, and then the two would meet up at the bridge so that Ryuichi wouldn't have to worry about being seen by Tatsuha's father. 

Ryuichi had called him earlier, wanting to go out, but hadn't included any information other than the time in which he wanted to meet. The singer was running late by a few minutes, but, considering the long commute, Tatsuha wasn't very upset.

"Hey gorgeous, you waiting on someone?" Tatsuha smiled at the familiar voice, feeling strong, lean arms encircle his waist. Ryuichi had made sure to announce his presence before touching the boy a few days into their relationship.

"Yeah, but he's late, so I'm thinking of just heading home," Tatsuha replied, leaning into the warm touch. He felt Ryuichi's smirk as he pressed his face into his back.

"Well, then how 'bout you let me take you outta here instead?" the singer purred, rubbing his cheek on one of the young monk's shoulder blades.

"I dunno," Tatsuha chuckled. "He can get pretty jealous."

"Damn right," the singer whispered into Tatsuha's ear, turning the teen around and bringing him into a soft kiss.

"So," Tatsuha murmured when Ryuichi broke the kiss, "what are we doing tonight?"

"I thought we could just walk around the park together. Is that okay?" Tatsuha raised his eyebrows at the singer's hesitance. Normally, the singer just told him what they would be doing, and then they did it. He observed the older man's hopeful stare and smiled.

"That sounds great," he replied, taking the celebrity's hand and intertwining their fingers. Ryuichi smirked, gripping his hand firmly, but gently, and the two walked off the bridge, hand-in-hand, under the stars.

* * *

As I said, filler, filler, filler. But, I thought it necessary to let the you all know just where their relationship stands before the time-skip coming up next chapter. THERE WILL BE DRAMA!!! AND ANGST...BUT MOSTLY DRAMA!!! 

Extra note: Anyone out there in Alabama, you know this, but **IT'S FREAKING HOT!!!! UP TO 120 DEGREES EVERY FREAKING DAY!!!! I"M DYING HERE!!!** So please, send me a review so I can cool off.

Much Love!

Tenka-chan


	8. Shade

A/N: I'M NOT DEAD/_dodges flying rotten fruit_/ Ahem, moving on. Okay, wow. Just…wow. Words cannot describe how sorry I am for the long delay. And I mean LOOONG delay. Let me just say that I am overwhelmed by the positive response this story has gotten in my absence, and I am so happy that you all have not given up on me. All the credit for this chapter (and probably every other thing I post on this site) goes to **Linker27**, who, without realizing it, wrote a review that made me want to write again. And also uber love to **Baka Orange Neko**, my dear bon-bon, for agreeing to beta after my unforgivably long absence.

Okay, quick note: This chapter takes place a good few months after the last one.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, so (insert witty disclaimer joke here)

* * *

**Canvas**

**Chapter 7 – Shade**

* * *

"I want to go to Fiji." 

Ryuichi's head perked up from its slumped position on his chair at his boyfriend's sudden declaration. One fine brown eyebrow rose above the tip of his dark sunglasses as he studied the nervous wreck of a young man sitting beside him.

"You want to go _where_?" the singer asked, slipping the troublesome sunglasses off after giving the terminal a quick scan to make sure no one else was watching.

"Fiji," Tatsuha replied steadfastly. "I've never been, but I hear they have beautiful beaches this time of year. Besides, Canada is so overrated. It's gonna be freezing cold, and there's nothing but trees and snow."

"Maybe so, but I think it would be pretty hard for your brother and Shu to get married in Fiji."

"Who says they have to come? We could totally just skip out on this whole thing- you and me. We just have to trade in our tickets for another flight, simple as that. Please," Tatsuha begged, leaning heavily on the disguised man's shoulder, "let's just go away to Fiji and leave the world behind."

"We could go to Fiji," Ryuichi drawled amusingly, keeping a sharp eye out to make sure no one paid too close attention to Tatsuha's little public display of affection. "But I don't think we'd ever be able to come back after missing the wedding. Your family is quite adept at holding grudges."

"Who said anything about coming back?" Tatsuha mumbled, nuzzling his face deeper into the groove of the singer's neck. Ryuichi smiled sympathetically at his boyfriend's plight. The countdown to Eiri Yuki and Shuichi Shindou's wedding ceremony in scenic Niagara Falls was at hand, and the young monk was quite…unprepared, to say the least.

"Relax," Ryuichi soothed. "Why don't you recite what you've got planned to say at the toast to me, and I'll help you along with whatever blanks you need filled in." Ryuichi silently shushed Kumagoro for saying that those were some pretty big blanks. Tatsuha had enough stress to deal with already.

"Okay," Tatsuha said, straightening up in his seat, "here's what I've got so far. I open up a 'Hey, how is everybody, nice reception, yadda, yadda, yadda,' and then I…talk about how much I…like the food."

Ryuichi couldn't help it. He burst out laughing. Tatsuha glowered at the celebrity petulantly. "Well, I'm glad someone finds it funny," he grumbled.

"I'm sorry, Tat-chan…but you are just too cute," Ryuichi gasped out between laughs. "I mean, you've had what, three months, and that's as far as you've gotten? How much you like the food?" The older man sobered up at his boyfriend's sour glare. "Maybe we should go to Fiji after all."

"Yeah, yeah, you can laugh," Tatsuha muttered. "I'm the one who's gonna get laughed out of the reception and then strangled by my brother…that is, if Mika doesn't get to me first." The monk shuddered at the thought of facing his sister's wrath. "Ugh, I'm an artist for crying out loud! I'm shit with words."

"Well, we can work it all out on the plane," Ryuichi said, hopping up as the intercom announced their flight was boarding. Luckily, the rest of Tatsuha's family had already flown out to Niagara Falls, and Tohma had, of course, flown with them. Tatsuha had stayed back to 'tie up a few loose ends at the temple.' Ryuichi, who was barely invited to the wedding at all thanks to Yuki's extreme dislike of him, didn't have to worry about making any kind of excuse. The singer planned to 'surprise' everyone the day after their arrival so it wouldn't look like the two had arrived together.

Not that anyone had any reason to suspect either of them of any deceitfulness, Ryuichi reminded himself as he and Tatsuha boarded the plane together. He had been meticulously careful to make sure that absolutely no one knew of his relationship with Tatsuha. However, the singer knew that, once they arrived in Niagara Falls, he would have to double his efforts. The wedding would be the first time the both of them would be in a public place together, surrounded by people who _knew_ them and expected them to act completely indifferent to one another.

Ryuichi Sakuma was a damn good actor, but he honestly didn't know if even he could pull this off.

The pop star was snapped out of his reverie by Tatsuha, who reached over the armrest between them and took hold of his hand, entwining their fingers.

"Don't worry," Tatsuha whispered softly. "We won't get caught. I may not be as good an actor as the infamous Ryuichi Sakuma, but I can put on a pretty good show when I want to."

"I'm not worried about fooling your family. I've been playing the two-year-old for years." Ryuichi leaned in close to whisper in the monk's ear. "What I'm worried about is whether or not I'll be able to keep my hands off you for a week." He smirked devilishly at the fierce blush that covered Tatsuha's cheeks at his words. While the couple had gotten no further than intense kissing and touching, to say that Ryuichi wanted Tatsuha would be a gross understatement. However, the singer was determined to wait until Tatsuha was fully ready to be intimate again. Three months alone was a long time for someone like Ryuichi to wait, but knowing what Tatsuha had been through, he'd be damned if he ruined their relationship by pushing the teen too far.

* * *

"Tatsuha!" Shuichi screamed, flinging his arms around the young man. "You're here, you're here, you're here! Oh, I'm so excited! Aren't you excited? I'm getting married! I'm getting married and to the perfect man, too!" 

"Good to see you too, Shu," Tatsuha gasped. He didn't know why Shuichi was the one at the airport to greet him, but at least it wasn't Mika, or worse…_Tohma_. With any luck, he'd be able to avoid the producer altogether.

"Isn't it great here? I mean, have you_ seen_ this place? It's gorgeous! There's actual nature here! It's so beautiful." Tatsuha could have sworn he saw Shuichi actually tear up at that last part.

"Look, Shu, not that I don't appreciate you coming out here to greet me, but why didn't Mika come? Hasn't she gotten here yet?" Tatsuha asked tentatively. To be honest, he was more worried about Shuichi finding out about his relationship than anyone else, except maybe Eiri. The pink-haired menace was actually pretty perceptive to matters of the heart and completely un-perceptive of the concept of tactfulness. A very, very bad combination.

"Oh, she's here," Shuichi replied, glowing expression turning sour. "Believe me, she's here." Tatsuha smiled sympathetically. Mika as a sister was bad enough. He could only imagine what I must be like to have her as an _in-law. _

"Well, maybe we should head back to the hotel, then," he suggested, trying to hide his anxiousness. Ryuichi had promised to stay onboard the plane for as long as he could so he wouldn't be seen leaving the same flight as Tatsuha. But that still only gave Tatsuha a few minutes to high-tail it out of the terminal so Ryuichi could leave unnoticed and check into an overnight motel before making his 'grand entrance' at the hotel the next day.

"Oh yeah, sure! Let's go!" Shuichi yelled, grabbing Tatsuha's arm and pulling him over to the luggage pick-up and then out to the car.

Once back at the hotel, Shuichi dragged Tatsuha up to a very lavish suite 'fit for the best man!' and then dropped a bomb on the poor young monk.

"Oh, and you need to lay some warm clothes out for tomorrow 'cause we're all going out to see the Falls tomorrow!"

Tatsuha froze and slowly turned to face the pink-haired bride-to-be.

"Um…'We' being whom, exactly?" he asked carefully.

"Oh, just me, you, Yuki, the band, my family, _Mika_, Tohma, Noriko, and Ryu-chan, if he can get here by tomorrow! We're all going to ride out together on a big bus K rented and take a tour together and everything! Why?"

_Shit!__Shit!__Shit!__Shit!__Shit!__Shit!__Shit!__Shit!_

"No reason."

* * *

"Now, let's go over this again. We will all board at precisely 0900 hours and arrive at approximately 0925 hours. We are to stay together for the entire tour, but when the tour is over, you will be allowed to branch out into groups of no less than three and no more than five. We will meet up at the bus at noon to drive to lunch and then arrive back at the hotel at approximately 0130 hours. Today's color is green. Now, does everyone have their tasers charged?" 

As the group stared at K with looks varying from shock to fear to boredom, Tatsuha mentally reminded himself not to ever get on Shuichi's manager's bad side.

_Oh well_, he thought, watching the rented bus pull up in front of the hotel lobby. _At least Ryuichi still hasn't shown up._

"Surprise, na no da!"

_Typical._

Tatsuha tried to suppress a baleful glare as that infuriatingly handsome man hopped off the rented bus and dashed into the lobby and into Shuichi's waiting arms. He knew he'd left at least five messages on Ryuichi's cell phone begging the singer to put off his 'grand entrance' until that afternoon. Even though Ryuichi was in full-on 'pop star mode', he could practically feel the smugness radiating off his boyfriend's body as he snuck him a seemingly innocent glance. Tatsuha knew Ryuichi wanted to keep their relationship out the public eye and out of his family's complete line of vision as much as he did, but he also knew that Ryuichi loved being in the spotlight. And a group trip to Niagara Falls was just too much for that damnably gorgeous media darling to pass up.

In the confusion of the large group boarding the bus, which was oddly reminiscent of a stampeding herd of elephants, Tatsuha felt a familiar soft brush on the back of his head and another familiarly soft hand slipping something into his jacket pocket. As he took a seat far in the back, he pulled out a neatly folded yellow note. Checking to make sure he wasn't being watched, even though the probability of that happening with the number of celebrities onboard was microscopic, Tatsuha carefully unfolded the note and read the contents over and over in his head.

_Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. –Your Secret Admirer_

* * *

A/N: Woo, actual plottage going on here. Amazing. And hopefully more plottage in the next chapter. Poor Ryu just can't resist the limelight, even for poor little Tatsuha. And how will Tohma react to having Tatsuha and Ryuichi on the same tour? Oh, and quick question: Does anyone know if Japan recognizes gay marriges made in other countries. I have it on pretty good authority that the answer is 'no', but I want to be sure. I was totally guessing with Fiji, but I crossed my fingers that I was right. 

Please Review! (Even though I really don't deserve it)

Much Love!

Tenka-chan


	9. Fill

A/N: Mkay, I know I've been a bitch about this long absence, and I'm truly sorry to all of those I've hurt or irritated by this long absence. I won't try to explain myself; I'll just get right back on the horse /shudder/ I hate horses, and hope that you all will forgive me. **Demonkid91**, thank you and I'm sorry. That's all I can think to say.

And on the subject of reviews: holy shit, pardon my language. **I freaking love you all.** That's all there is to it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, so (insert witty disclaimer joke here).

* * *

**Canvas**

**Chapter 8 - Fill**

* * *

As the packed tour bus glided down the road, Tatsuha decided that he did like Canada after all. In fact, he _loved_ it. The scenery was breathtaking. Tatsuha had never seen so much green in his entire life. Fingers itching to capture some of the beautiful landscape, Tatsuha cursed himself for not bringing his sketch book.

A loud yell from the front of the bus stole Tatsuha's attention from the window. At the sight of Ryuichi tackling Shuichi in a hug for the third time in less than ten minutes, Tatsuha stomped on his rising irritation and tried to appear indifferent. It wasn't that he was jealous of _Shuichi_; he was actually jealous of anyone who got to touch Ryuichi freely at any given time while he, the singer's own _boyfriend_, had to hide in the corner and communicate through secret messages and meaningful looks. Having to sit back and watch his boyfriend make a fool out of everyone else and pretend he didn't see right through him was also quite aggravating. Especially when the arrogant jerk kept looking back at him with those damnable knowing eyes. Nothing in the man's expression changed, but Tatsuha knew that Ryuichi was telling him something. The same thing he'd told him in his letter.

_Sit back and enjoy the show._

Fighting back another scowl, Tatsuha turned to face the window again and decided that he'd much rather watch Canada than his boyfriend's performance.

Another few minutes passed before Tatsuha felt a shift on the other side of his seat. Wondering who would've been bored enough to change seats in the middle of a 

twenty-five minute bus ride, Tatsuha turned to see a familiar and not entirely welcome face occupying the seat beside him.

"Tohma."

"Tatsuha," the blond man greeted cordially. "I hope you don't mind me escaping back here. Mika's making friends with her future in-laws and things are getting a little too hectic up front for my tastes."

"Sure, it's no big deal," Tatsuha replied, trying not to appear too tense at the close proximity. He looked over to middle of the bus where Mika seemed to be questioning Shuichi's parents and sister in a way that seemed oddly reminiscent of the old 'good cop, bad cop' routine.

"Since Mika's obviously going to be the whole morning, why don't you and I spend some time talking about things?"

"Uhh, sure. That sounds great." _The perfect cherry to top off the crap sundae that has been my morning, _Tatsuha thought bitterly. He didn't know why Tohma wanted to talk to him of all people. Between years of mutual indifference and the recent cloud of catastrophe cast over their relationship, he and the businessmen were not exactly B.F.F's.

"So," the blond began, "how have you been?"

"Fine." _Great. Peachy. Fan-fucking-tastic._

"I'm glad," Tohma smiled. "I can't pinpoint it exactly, but you definitely seem …healthier than before."

"Yep. That's me. Healthy as a horse." Tatsuha knew he was bordering on rude at that point, but seeing Ryuichi wrap his arms around K in a shameless full-body hug that would never have sat well with any other straight man shortened his fuse considerably.

"Tatsuha," Tohma began again, and Tatsuha could see the man's smile take on a somewhat less fake look, "I know you've been through an awful lot lately. And to see you moving on and maturing so much in spite of all you've been through is very inspiring, Tatsuha. You really have grown up."

Feeling oddly touched despite the faint back-handed edge to the compliment, Tatsuha offered a faint but sincere smile to his brother-in-law. "Thanks, Tohma. That…means a lot."

"I know you've been spending a lot more of your time at school and at home. You really seem to have taken a tighter hold on your responsibilities, and you're to be commended for that. I know you don't get a lot of appreciation for all the things you do for you family, but I want you to know that Mika and I both are proud of you for what you do and how well you do it."

Okay. Now Tatsuha was officially weirded out. Tohma didn't do nice. At least, not for real nice. And despite what his reliable Uesugi cynicism was telling him, Tohma seemed sincere. Tohma _never_ seemed sincere. Never.

"Uh, thanks, Tohma," Tatsuha reiterated, still feeling oddly touched despite himself. It felt nice to be appreciated, even if there were likely a million strings attached.

"You're welcome," Tohma replied graciously. "And, Tatsuha, I hope you know that we all do care about you, and I also sincerely hope you will allow anything to jeopardize all the progress you've made." Tohma paused to let that comment sink in, serene smile never faltering despite the clear warning in his eyes. Tatsuha didn't know what the older man was trying to say, much less how to reply. Luckily, he was saved from any further awkwardly serious moments with his brother-in-law by the bus's sudden lurch to a complete stop. Tohma stood, smile still firmly in place, and without another word in Tatsuha's direction, exited the bus alongside Mika and a somewhat traumatized-looking Shindou family. Tatusha stood awkwardly, legs stiff despite the shortness of the ride, and tried to make sense of what exactly had just transpired between his brother-in-law and himself. Was Tohma really warning him? If so, about what? Ryuichi had assured him time and time again that Tohma had no idea of what was going on between them.

Ryuichi.

Tatsuha searched for his secret admirer as he exited the bus last. His eyes found the singer a few feet ahead, standing beside Shuichi, go figure, and glaring daggers at Tohma's turned back. Sensing he was being watched, Ryuichi turned his piercing blue gaze to Tatsuha's own dark one. Tatsuha almost flinched at the cold intensity in his boyfriend's eyes, a look which seemed out of place even to someone who knew the real Ryuichi Sakuma. The singer seemed to notice Tatsuha's discomfort, and his gaze softened considerably. As the people around them clamored together for the tour, Ryuichi cast a final telling look at Tatsuha before reverting back to his 'normal' self.

_I'll tell you later._

The unspoken message did surprisingly little to help Tatsuha's already dizzying sense of confusion.

* * *

Ryuichi was angry.

No, take that back. Ryuichi was fucking _pissed_.

He had been doing such an amazing job of keeping everybody enamored with him on the bus that he had failed to realize the absence of Tohma's indulgent presence until he turned back to cast a fourth meaningful _look_ at Tatsuha. When he saw his bandmate occupying the seat next to his boyfriend, his energetic smile faltered for an instant. Not long enough for anyone to notice, of course, except for one person. Tatsuha would have seen; he would have known something was wrong. That is, if he had been paying any attention to his boyfriend, which he _wasn't_ anymore.

Now, all of his young companion's focus was centered on Tohma. Tohma, of all people. Not that Ryuichi was jealous, of course. The chances of Tatsuha cheating on him alone were microscopic, but Tatsuha cheating on him with Tohma was about as probable as Shuichi leaving Yuki at the altar for a woman. No, Ryuichi was pissed because Tohma was speaking to Tatsuha and he had no earthly idea what they were fucking saying!

_Although I could venture a guess_, the singer thought bitterly. Judging from Tatsuha's flabbergasted expression, the musician had just complimented him. Any form of compliment always put the poor young monk at a loss. His boyfriend had no earthly idea how to respond to any expression of thanks or appreciation.

Boyfriend. Ryuichi hated the sound of that word. It sounded so…juvenile. But then again, dating a person fifteen years his junior left him with little room to complain about immaturity. Of course, he'd had boyfriends before. Girlfriends, too. Countless nameless, faceless people that meant nothing to him even during their relationships. Tatsuha wasn't one of those superficial, star struck people. Things were different with him. And Ryuichi wanted things to be different.

Maybe that was why he hadn't breached the subject of sex. None of his previous 'relationships' had gone so long without sex. Hell, most of them were only about sex. And the urge certainly hadn't left him. Indeed, as their relationship progressed, everything about Tatsuha became a turn-on. His long, slender body, his dark, smoldering eyes, and the intense, thoughtful look he got whenever he studied a painting. Whatever he and Tatsuha had going for them must have been working, because there was no way Ryuichi Sakuma would deprive himself of his own base needs for just anybody. He knew about Tatsuha's previous sex drive, and he also knew that it had completely driven away after the rape.

Shuichi's elated squeal snapped Ryuichi out of his reverie, and the singer saw that they'd reached their destination. The ride seemed to have taken a lot longer than twenty-five or so minutes. He saw Tohma stand while a perplexed Tatsuha remained seated. Allowing Shuichi to usher him off the bus, Ryuichi glared at his oblivious bandmate. Feeling a burning gaze on his own back, he turned to meet the still painfully confused eyes of Tatsuha. Seeing the younger man's somewhat stricken look, Ryuichi checked himself and softened his gaze. He'd promised Tatsuha everything would be alright, and everything would be. Whatever Tohma was trying to do, he would quickly put an end to it. Seeing his silent reassurance do little to comfort Tatsuha made the urge to cross the distance between them and reassure him with words and physical comfort palpable, and Ryuichi had to turn away. As much as he wanted to ignore it, the fact of the matter was that he and Tatsuha were fast approaching a point where hiding their relationship would cease to be an option. If their feelings were becoming as real and as deep as Ryuichi feared they were becoming, then a real commitment would have to be made soon, and a real commitment meant honesty. Joining the group, Ryuichi pretended to listen intently to whatever the hell the tour guide was saying and tried not to think about how great honesty sounded at that moment.

* * *

Despite his confusion with Tohma and his frustration with acting like a stranger around Ryuichi, Tatsuha managed to make it through the tour without attracting any attention to himself. He mentally applauded their acting skills. Ryuichi was excellent at playing the fool, and he had always been good at being invisible. And it was also incredibly easy to view the infantile, public Ryuichi as a stranger. Tatsuha was far more attracted to the suave, devilishly charming, extremely arrogant Ryuichi that only came out behind closed doors or during a performance. Thus, so far, their little act had been a piece of cake.

Then came the time to branch out into groups.

Tatsuha tried not to panic as everyone assembled themselves into groups ranging in number from three to five, as Shuichi's homicidal manager had ordered. Shuichi's parents and sister huddled together while Mika stood immediately to the side of them and happily suggested that they join her and Tohma. The blond man seemed a little put off by Mika's decision, but nonetheless smiled and followed his wife and her future in-laws. Shuichi's two bandmates walked off with a nervous looking man and the crazy American with the gun.

That only left Shuichi, Eiri, Ryuichi, and him.

Perfect.

"Say, Shu-chan, why don't we go up that big, pretty tower? I bet you can see the everything from up there, na no da!" Ryuichi happily suggested, unfazed by the grouping situation. Apparently Shuichi was just as unfazed, for he ecstatically agreed and made to drag a silently smoking Eiri over to what the tour guide had referred to as the Skylon Tower. His brother let himself be dragged along by his fiancé, but not before glancing Ryuichi's way and then letting his gaze fall on Tatsuha. To Tatsuha's surprise, his brother didn't look angry at the situation, merely curious.

Then it hit him.

Eiri _wanted_ him and Ryuichi to be in the same group. He wanted to know how Tatsuha would react to finally being close to his obsession. Former obsession. He wanted to see if Tatsuha would revert back to his former fanboy self when finally given such an opportunity.

He wanted proof that Tatsuha really had grown up.

Steeling himself, Tatsuha met his brother's searching gaze with his own. He had grown up. He'd grown up so much that the boy who used to ride around on a motorcycle and fuck a different man, woman, or both every night seemed like a stranger from a different past instead of himself less than a year ago. Eiri knew that; he shouldn't have needed proof.

But Tatsuha would give it to him anyway.

The foursome entered the large tower and boarded one of the elevators. Shuichi balked when he saw that the elevators were made so that you could actually look outside as they made their ascent. Tatsuha jokingly teased the singer who alternated between making quick fearful glances out the window and burying his face in his fiancé's jacket.

Making eye contact with Eiri again, Tatsuha turned to _introduce_ himself to Ryuichi. "Hey," he said amiably. "Sorry, Shu was too wrapped up in his acrophobia to introduce us. I'm Tatsuha, Eiri's brother."

"Tatsuha-chan! Nice to meet you, na no da!" Ryuichi beamed. The singer then latched himself onto Tatsuha and took all of the young monk's self-control to resist clinging back desperately and refrain from kissing the man when he leaned in for a closer look at his face. "You look so much like your brother, you two could be twins, na no da!"

"He wishes," Eiri snorted. The writer appeared to be as disinterested as ever, but Tatsuha saw a small flicker of bewilderment pass through his brother's eyes at his younger brother's indifference towards being so close to his former idol.

_So there_, Tatsuha thought smugly, and Eiri's eyes narrowed as he seemed to hear his brother's mental gloating. The elevator finally came to a smooth stop, and the two sets of look-alikes exited onto the observatory deck. Shuichi immediately ran for the side, dragging Eiri with him once again. Allowing the distance between them and the other couple to stretch on for a ways, Tatsuha slowly turned to glance tentatively at Ryuichi.

"I told you it would be fun," the singer murmured, not looking at him. Tatsuha snorted and rolled his eyes. "What was Tohma saying to you back on the bus?"

"Nothing really," Tatsuha replied with disinterest. He'd given up trying to make sense of anything the blond man told him at that point. In retrospect, the whole conversation didn't seem like anything more than a friendly heart-to-heart between two family members. It was a wedding after all; everyone was bound to get all emotional. There was no reason to be paranoid. "Just some sappy family stuff."

"Just watch out for yourself," the singer warned. "Whenever it seems like Tohma's being nice, he's really just being manipulative."

Tatsuha smirked bitterly. "You don't have to tell me that." Events in the past year had shown Tatsuha just how manipulative his family could be.

"Good," Ryuichi finally turned to face Tatsuha. He quirked an eyebrow at the younger man. "How's your speech going?"

"Asshole," Tatsuha shot back. The singer snickered and walked off towards the observation deck. "I'll meet you in your room after the rehearsal dinner. I'll probably have to leave about an hour after you just to be safe."

"You don't have to," Tatsuha insisted, staring longingly at the singer's back.

"I _want_ to." That had to be the end of their little interlude, for Shuichi had decided that he wanted to stay and eat at the restaurant on top of the tower and wanted the singer's help to convince K to change their plans. The two singers ran off together to plead with the odd American, leaving the two brothers standing side-by-side in awkward silence. Well, at least it was awkward to Tatsuha. Eiri seemed completely fine with being abandoned by his fiancé for a little while.

"So," Tatsuha began. "Did I finally convince you of the fact that I'm not a crazed fan anymore? Or was I a little too friendly for you?"

"I don't give a shit how _friendly_ you are. Never had, never did."

"Oh, that's a relief," Tatsuha bit out scathingly. "That whole HIV thing you pulled last year must have misled me. Glad things are cleared up now." It was a low blow and he knew it, but he didn't care. If all those months of therapy and self-evaluation hadn't been enough to show his brother that he had matured, then he would just act immature, dammit.

"Don't be a bitch. This has nothing to do with what happened back then."

"I'm sure," Tatsuha said, rolling his eyes. The two stood on the observation deck without looking at each other for another minute until Tatsuha decided to break the silence, as usual. "I can't believe you and Shu are really gonna do it." Eiri stayed silent. "I am happy for you, you know. You and Shu, you guys need each other."

"Hn." Eiri finally turned to study his brother. "It took a lot to get to this point." Tatsuha nodded, not looking at his brother and best friend. It didn't take a genius to get that Eiri was talking about more than just his relationship with Shuichi. He avoided eye contact with his brother. Eye contact made moments like this emotional, and Tatsuha was not equipped to deal with emotions at the moment. "Tatsuha." Damn. He moved is gaze to meet his brother's. "If you do anything to fuck up everything you've worked for, everything you've had to put yourself through, I will kick your ass so hard your nose will bleed, you got that?"

"I got it." _And I love you, too, asshole._

"Yuki! Yuki, K said we can eat at the restaurant here! All he had to do was threaten the manager, and he wasn't even carrying a gun! Come on, let's go! I want to get a good table." Shuichi snatched Eiri by the sleeve again, while the rest of the group, including Ryuichi, made their way over to the restaurant. His secret admirer winked at him as he passed by and Tatsuha allowed a small smile to cross his face. Although he was an asshole, Eiri was also right. Tatsuha had worked hard to get over what had happened last year, and it had been hard. There was no way Tatsuha wanted things to go back to the way they were before.

But then again, some things were just worth the risk.

* * *

The rest of the day had passed with little incident. Tatsuha and Ryuichi hadn't gotten another chance to meet up, but at least he hadn't been put through anymore familial heart-to-hearts. Actually, the whole day went pretty damn well.

Then it was time for the rehearsal dinner.

After that, it was time for Tatsuha to make a toast.

However, Tatsuha had conveniently come down with a stomachache about five minutes before _that_ moment and had retreated to his room in shame. Really, how hard was it to come up with a freaking toast, of all things? Tatsuha just couldn't talk about all the warm, fuzzy moments he and Eiri had had in front of people, mostly because he and Eiri had never actually _had_ any warm, fuzzy moments.

Tatsuha flopped onto his bed with a moan. He was such a fucking chickenshit. He felt like a thirteen-year-old girl who pretended to have cramps so she wouldn't have to climb the rope in gym class. He glanced at the clock beside the bed. 9:13. Ryuichi had said to give him an hour. He moaned, rolled off the bed, and stumbled into the bathroom. A long, soothing hot shower seemed like the perfect way to kill time. He stayed in the shower for a good forty minutes, just letting the near-scalding hot water run down his back. He didn't think about the wedding, the secrets, the lies, anything. He simply let the running water wash away all his stress.

After he'd dried off and donned one of the hotel's unbelievably fluffy bathrobes, Tatsuha heard a soft knock on his door. He glanced at the clock again. 10:01. Shit, he was early. Tatsuha dashed to the door and opened it without bothering to check the peephole. Ryuichi slipped quickly and silently past Tatsuha and into the room. Once inside, he turned to face the younger man, and his eyes widened slightly before sliding up and down Tatsuha's still wet, barely covered form appreciatively.

"You're early," Tatsuha accused, but a small smile was playing on his lips.

"I can leave and come back later of you want," Ryuichi murmured with an arrogant grin, walking back towards the door. Tatsuha blocked his way by seizing the singer by the lapels of his jacket and planting a deep, longing kiss on the older man's lips. Ryuichi paused for an instant, and then wrapped his arms around Tatsuha's waist, deepening the kiss even further. He moved one hand up to cup the back of Tatsuha's neck and combed his fingers through the soft, dark locks at the base of his neck. Tatsuha moaned at the touch before reluctantly breaking the kiss.

"I had no idea it was going to be this fucking difficult!" Tatsuha groaned, wrapping his arms around the singer's neck.

"You did just fine, 'Tsutsu," Ryuichi murmured. "Just fine."

Tatsuha gasped at the feel of the singer's warm breath against his bare chest. That feeling was slowly waking up a hunger Tatsuha hadn't felt in months. Not since-

"Oh, gods, Ryuichi," Tatsuha breathed. Ryuichi covered his lips with his own again, this time moving his hands down to the sash of Tatsuha's robe. It took little more than an instant for him to untie the loose knot. Tatsuha didn't even hesitate before slipping out of the robe entirely, letting the damp cotton fall to the floor at his feet. Ryuichi eyed Tatsuha's fully naked body hungrily before shedding his jacket and dropping it to the floor beside the robe. Tatsuha helped him work the buttons on his shirt open and then ran his hands down the older man's chest, stopping at his waist. As Tatsuha's hands began to fumble with the belt buckle, Ryuichi suddenly seized both the younger man's wrists in a vice-like grip.

"Tatsuha," he growled. "Are you sure you're ready for this. Because if you aren't, you need to tell me _right now_."

Tatsuha paused. He tried to think. After all this time, was he really ready to be intimate again? Were they rushing? Was-

"I am so fucking tired of letting that rule my life!" Tatsuha whispered fiercely, locking his gaze with Ryuichi's. "All I need to know it this…Can I trust you not to hurt me?"

"Yes," Ryuichi answered without hesitation. "But I'm not pressuring you. If you aren't ready, say so. I don't want to—'' Tatsuha cut him off with a fierce, burning kiss.

"I said that's all I need to know."

* * *

A/N: Wow that was a sucky pre-sex scene. Can you tell I'm not experienced at writing them? Any tips for stuff like that would be **greatly** appreciated. Anyhoo, a lot of confusing conversations in this chapter. Can anyone guess what in God's name is up with Tohma? Well, I can, but I don't really count. And poor Ryu was actually ready to totally deprive himself for Tatsuha, and then the horny monk just goes and jumps him. Hm. Lucky Ryu, actually.

Much Love!

Tenka-chan


End file.
